Category: Joke Board
You have twenty-three voicemails.
Voicemail 1, left at 6:01pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 2, left at 6:03pm: .... "Dammit." Click.
Voicemail 3, left at 6:10pm: "Yeah, hi. This is Sam. I know we don't know each other but I've been watching you for a long time and I thought that, you
know, we could get together for coffee tonight but you aren't answering your phone. So, maybe another night." Click.
Voicemail 4, left at 6:16pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 5, left at 6:20pm: "Yeah, hi. It's Sam again. I was wondering why you weren't answering your phone. I know you're home. I can see you in the
window. I've seen you look at your phone. Are you just playing with me? I'm not sure I like this game. Pick up the phone, ok?"... Click.
Voicemail 6, left at 6:27pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 7, left at 6:30pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 8, left at 6:32pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 9, left at 6:36pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 10, left at 6:40pm: "Chris, it's me, Sam, again. Why aren't you picking up the phone? Don't you want to talk to me? I keep calling. It's only
polite for you to answer the damned phone! Why won't you pick up the phone? I know you're there." Click.
Voicemail 11, left at 6:44pm: "Hey, Chris. It's Sam again. I'm sorry I yelled. It's just really frustrating. I've been watching you for so long and I finally
got the courage to call you and now you're ignoring me and I don't know why. Why are you ignoring me?" Click.
Voicemail 12, left at 6:46pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 13, left at 6:55pm: .... Click.
Voicemail 14, left at 7:02pm: "What the fuck is this?! Who the fuck is that at the door? A lover? Is that your fucking lover? How could you do this to
me? After all I've done for you? After my confession of love to you? You betraying son of a bitch! You cock sucking, cunt licking bitch! I can't believe
you're doing this to me!" Click.
Voicemail 15, left at 7:03pm: "Pick up the phone, Chris!"...... Click.
Voicemail 16, left at 7:05pm: "Pick up the phone! Pick up the phone! Pick up the God damned phone or I'm gonna fucking kill you!".... Click.
Voicemail 17, left at 7:11pm: "Are you happy now, Chris? Are you fucking happy? I think I've broken my hand because of you, you stupid, cheating bitch.
After everything I've done for you. You remember that guy who keyed your car? I made sure he never keyed anything ever again. What about that bitch who
insulted you at the bar? She's never insulting anyone ever again. Ever again! And this is the thanks I get, you ungrateful bastard." Click.
Voicemail 18, left at 7:15pm: "Dammit, Chris! Do you want me to come up there and kill you? Is that what you want? Because I'll do it! Believe me! I'll
fucking kill you and your lover. Rip both your fucking heads off and shit down your throats. Stop kissing in the window! Stop it! Stop! Just fucking stop!
I don't want to have to kill you but I will if you make me!" Click.
Voicemail 19, left at 7:21pm: "Hey, Chris. Please, babe, pick up the phone. Let's work this out. Ok? Pick up the phone. Let's talk. I'm sorry I yelled
before. Ok? Just pick up the phone. It'll all be ok. I promise."... Click.
Voicemail 20, left at 7:24pm: "Pick up the phone, Chris. Pick up the fucking phone! I'm done being nice. I've tried to be nice. Pick up the phone. Pick.
Up. The. Goddamned phone!"... Click.
Voicemail 21, left at 7:26pm: ... ... "What the fuck?" Click.
Voicemail 22, left at 7:28pm: ... "Damn." Click.
Voicemail 23, left at 7:35pm: "Hello. This is Sam. I just realized that I dialed the wrong number when I was calling my fiancée, Chris. After that, I just
kept hitting redial. I didn't think I was calling the wrong number. I'm really sorry if I gave you a scare. This is just a little joke that my fiancée
and I like to play with each other. Please disregard all of my previous messages. They weren't for you. It was just me having a little bit of fun. Sorry
about that. Have a real nice day now. Click.
I'd respond to this...but...click.
More a suspense story than a joke, but....
Click!
Becky, pick up the fucking pho..........
Bob
Hello, hello, Bob, is that you? Quit calling me or I'll call the police.
becky? i can see you typing. You want to answer me. Why don't you answer me? I can see you! Oh wait, that's just the........
.......
Click!
I've been watching you for months Jim, and you really are as ugly as I'd heard. Now quit calling.
Jim, you ready?
Everybody, turn your web cams over here... yes, that's Ohio... yes that's her house...
Okay, see her over there? now watch...
Becky, pick up the fucking phone. ...
Did you all see that?
Bob
Did you all see the lovely middle finger salute I gave you?
Wait, Bob, don't shut it off now! What's that she's removing? Is it... Could it be... oh my god, it is! Becky, I can see your buckeyes! Pick up the god damn phone! pick it up now, or I'll...
.......
Click!
Becky, is that your IQ or your age you are showing us?
Jim, get a shot of that; won't the Land Over ladies be proud?
Bob
Blob and Jim, you guys are soo funny - not. I'm going to get your phone numbers and call you at 3:00 every morning.
Click.
Lol you guys are too funny. And Becky I see how you send me a pm and then log out I get what you were doing though :)
well, you certainly won't call me at 3 in the morning, because i'll keep my phone off the.....
click
Ok so I admit it really it was me and I just wanted to let you all in on the , click
lol, becky, i see you, pick up the god dam phone or i'll tell everybody about them there dead bodys and... click
lol. easy mestake
blake pick up your god damn phone because I see you over there in kc... I know what you're doing. I'll tell...
Click